[I wrote this last month and then took a few weeks to decide if I should post it. There is no way to write something like this without being a huge asshole and validating the claimant on some level. I guess I'm a huge asshole...]

So my soon-to-be-ex is out of the country and her mother is watching the house and the cat. I stopped by to visit with the cat and pick up some mail that was delivered there, and my soon-to-be-ex mother-in-law Maggie let me in on some interesting theories that she said she and her son Max have developed about the emotional abuse I'm supposed to have perpetrated against her daughter--which has apparently interfered with their relationships with her for some time. Maggie said that she and Max have been working on these theories for a few years. Although she was ready, momma bear-like, to personally attack me and heap scorn upon me while I was conveniently located within shouting distance, she and Max have apparently been too busy or too unconcerned to ever talk to Molly or me about it while the alleged theorizing was actually relevant to the alleged abuse. Presumably they had better things to do. Incidentally, this is the same excuse Molly offered on the numerous occasions when I asked her why she never called her mom or her brother and why we spent more time with my mom and nieces when they live 250 miles away than with her mom and brother who live in the same city as us.

In fact, Maggie used to call me--several times a month sometimes--because Molly literally would not answer her phone or return voicemails when her mom called her. I would relay these messages to Molly and remind her repeatedly to call her mom, but enough messenger shooting occurred (from both ends) that I grew to dislike this task. Every time her relationship with her family was questioned, Molly would become very upset and act like it was just too big to ever deal with. I guess everything is fine now though, because now that I'm out of the picture they are one healthy, coordinated family front! Except, apparently, for substantive personal matters, such as the imminent arrival of a grandchild.

You see, immediately after I greeted Maggie when we met this weekend, I inquired as to the due date of Max's baby (the aforementioned imminent grandchild). Maggie looked at me--rather stunned--for about second before announcing that, although she had guessed they were pregnant, that Max had decided for some reason not to share this information with her. The irony was completely lost on Maggie, who proceeded to administer the aforementioned tongue lashing of my recent life, detailing just how much I screwed up, failed, abused, and emotionally scarred her daughter. The implication (based on her many examples) was that all of the responsibility for her failed relationship with her daughter was on me. I wonder how she explains her failed relationship with Max and her daughter-in-law? The cognitive dissonance and resistance to introspection required to realize that I'm not the common denominator in these two scenarios is at once hilarious and sad.

She also gave me a weird trip about how smart I am and how good at everything I am, and how she thought I never liked her family very much because they're too dumb or something. This is ridiculous of course; Molly is brilliant and amazingly talented and the whole family are (in my estimation) particularly gifted artists. I, OTOH, am artistically retarded. I don't even consider myself to be particularly smart, but I do try to be self-aware and introspective. When someone tells me something about me that contradicts my own self image, I try to take time to weigh my respect for that person with the tone and spirit in which the observation was offered. If I think there might be even a shred of truth and/or sincerity in what they said, I think hard and honestly about whether there is something I need to learn or change. What I learned [that] weekend when I went to pick up my mail is that it's really easy to blame all of your problems on someone you feel has rejected you, especially if dealing with your own problems is something you try hard to avoid.